Where I take issue with Miller, and I do take issue here, is in her passionate insistence on the existence of a "true" self. The Drama of the Gifted Child was a word-of-mouth sensation, and went on to sell over a million copies. Katherine’s father had expressed sympathy for his daughter’s isolation, but when his wife started to protest a change of schools, he remained silent. While there are certainly people who have recovered memories of being molested in early childhood--one of my good friends experienced that, and it's the only thing that explains certain aspects of his life--there are others who invented memories to please aggressive therapists like the unethical, wrong-headed person I worked with. Martin's book as a response to his mother's gave me a better lens with which to view Alice's writing in this book.

I know people with the problems she described, people who were never going to be loved for who they were, so either buried themselves in achievement or cut off important parts of themselves. I have come to understand irrational and debilitating aspects of my own behaviors, that stemmed from childhood traumas, and seen how these can be liberated once they are experienced emotionally. But James admires the fact that she doesn't pull her punches: "She [Miller] is so ruthless and single-minded about it. My mom's perspective, and my dad's unconditional support of her, did profound damage to the children that ended in tragedy.As a result, in 1988 she resigned from the International Psychhoanalytical Association and, in 1995, revised 'The Drama of being a Child'. While childhood mistreatment may give kids certain gifts - such as increased empathy and greater achievement - these strengths come at a great cost. In James's view, most of us probably need the shock treatment that Miller administers to jerk us out of our complacent ignorance of the child's subjective experience and the effect our parenting has.

In fact, I'd be willing to bet their success in that endeavor has significantly aided me in my quest to be anything other than a filthy hermit.Miller uses many examples to show perspectives from child eyes and illustrate the vicious circle of contempt. But he concedes that Miller's version of events leaves precious little space for DW Winnicott's notion of the "good enough" parent - and leaves us with very little idea, or hope, of avoiding destructive cycles of behaviour. If you are nocebo, you're going to be sad, negative, and pessimistic, which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And the result is a meaningless life of ‘going through the motions of living’ WITHOUT ever knowing their true selves.And the tragedy is that the parents have no defence against it if they don’t face their own history. When Katherine protested, her mother countered that friends could move away at any time and then she would be in the exact same situation at a school with worse academics. She flat-out told me, "You were traumatized as a child, probably through a molestation, and you have to uncover the memory of the trauma. However, if the child's great need for admiration is not met, for his/her looks, intelligence or achievements, he/she falls into severe depression.