Because pain during intercourse is a multi-faceted issue, it can sometimes be difficult to diagnose. These DIY solutions spread through the queer community, ever experimental and broadly liberated from heterosexual cultural scripts as it is, over the course of a few decades, Boyajian notes. But "it wasn’t until six or seven years ago that I first saw the same methods discussed by cisgender women who were finding penetration uncomfortable or painful." They believe this reflects a sea change in sexual discourse over the last decade, flowing out of novel online spaces that finally gave women room to publicly critique and organize against the widespread disregard for their experiences. Denying the fact that sometimes sex hurts is like being embarrassed to have the flu,” Sauer says. “And this is not just a conversation for women. Men have been showing up in the most incredible ways, eager to learn. Our male testers find themselves asking, ‘Does this feel good? What about this?’”

Bottom line, the Ohnut isn’t going to work for everybody because every body is different, and it certainly won’t work for all types of pelvic pain. Even I still experience painful sex sometimes. I think for some people, the Ohnut may just provide space to relax — and the body’s inability to relax can be a significant contributor to the reasons penetration can hurt. To try it out, snag one for yourself here.But the OhNut wasn't the first such device ever. Nearly 800 years ago, the Sufi poet Jalal al-Din Mohammed Rumi wrote a poem about a (likely fictional) maid who used a specially-carved gourd during sex to keep her partner from pushing too deep into her. (By the by, her partner was a donkey.) And just over 400 years ago, Giulelmus Fabricius Hildanus, a pioneer of early modern surgery, developed a wearable bumper to limit pain caused during sex "by a too large penis." He put a description of the made-to-measure item in one of his widely-circulated medical texts. Erwin Kompanje, a Dutch medical historian, wrote extensively about Hildanus' now long-forgotten device in the mid-aughts, strenuously arguing that it "deserves a resurrection in today's medical practice." Another said the Kegel Toning Set was a ‘fun exercise programme,’ adding: “I have found that they not only tone my pelvic floor muscles but they also turn me on which is a bonus.” Start with a less expensive model,” Fleming advises beginners. “Sometimes trying a more affordable model gives you a sense of what a sensation is like and whether you like it.” Of course, if you already know what feeling you like and you need a recommendation for the best sex toy that aligns with that, we’ve got you too. What should men know when trying new sex toys?

So how does it feel for the person with the vagina? You may think that shallower penetration doesn't feel as good. It's true that it's different, but it's still really pleasurable. At least, it’s a thousand times better than that stabbing vagina pain. It’s hard to explain — it’s like my body can tell that something is different, but, like my partner described, it doesn’t feel like anything is missing. We’re still having sex and even though we’re using our bodies a bit differently, the mechanics of the act are exactly the same. So, should I buy it? Another product worth considering is the Silicone Dilator Set. If you suffer from vaginal tightness, these dilators can gradually increase in diameter so you can slowly introduce your body to penetration. It’s essentially a soft bumper made from material that still gives the feeling of having full penetration for the person wearing it. Of course, the Ohnut isn’t a sure cure for all types of painful intercourse, but it’s an option that may help for some — especially when used in conjunction with other treatments.Depending on the situation and person, pain can also occur at different times, including during sexual entry or other types of penetration (e.g., inserting a tampon), during deep thrusting, or hours after intercourse. I think we have a cultural myth that sex is supposed to be simple,” says Amy Steinhauer, a sex therapist from Evanston, Illinois. She notes attitudes toward sexual pain are “similar to how our larger culture tends to view mental health problems, unfortunately.” The societal silence around painful sex and pelvic health is part of a larger systemic problem where our medical institutions, education systems, and insurance policies generally don’t support female sexual dysfunction,” explains Sauer.

What changed? Over the last week, I’ve been able to have the kind of sex I used to have — the kind that leaves me sore in the good way the next day — and it’s all thanks to this little thing called the Ohnut. What is the Ohnut, and how does it work? The products in this range are made from body-safe, silky soft silicone which feels great next to the skin." This broad, public reevaluation of norms and expectations around sex and pleasure, alongside the mainstreaming of the sexual health and wellness industry, then created cultural and economic space for a new wave of products designed by and/or for receptive partners. Which explains how and why a few other explicitly depth-limiting devices, like the established toy brand Perfect Fit's The Bumper Thrust Buffer, launched around the same time as the OhNut.

What should men know when trying new sex toys?

She notes that women sometimes accept the pain they experience during intercourse because they believe it’s a biological reality or simply “bad sex.” We feel this new range offers both sexes relief and workable ways to improve sexual satisfaction and performance.”

Furthermore, Sauer says many women find the topic difficult to discuss and often won’t report sexual pain when they begin experiencing it. Emily Sauer, founder of Lady Parts Justice League, is working for a future where painful intercourse will be history. Whip out that new toy when you’re actually turned on (and not as a way to turn yourself on). “Think of it as foreplay,” Fleming says. “If you want to build up reception to a new toy, start off when you’re already highly aroused. The research is clear that people tend to be more open and receptive when already aroused.” In addition to being experienced as a range of physical sensations (burning, throbbing, aching), dyspareunia can also affect people emotionally. It may lead to embarrassment, guilt, confusion, and feelings of loneliness. There's also a set of Penis Bumpers for reducing the the depth of penetration. These stretchy rings mean the wearer won’t have to worry about going too deep, so their partner can relax and enjoy the moment in comfort.

Bigger isn't always better

The Ohnut approaches “painful sex holistically,” allowing users to control how deeply the vagina is penetrated during sex through compression technology and a patent-pending linking ring. Sauer and others draw a direct line from this legacy of overt sexual bias in the medical domain to modern practitioners' widespread cluelessness about and dismissiveness of receptive partners' reports of pain during deep penetration. This history also goes a long way towards explaining why even seemingly progressive guides to navigating this sort of pain focus on what a receptive partner can do to accommodate a big penis, rather than on what a penis-haver can do to work with receptive anatomy. Notably, most prescribe relaxation techniques, stretching regimens, plenty of build-up and lubrication, and positions that task receptive partners with controlling the depth, angle, and speed of penetration. Bigger isn't always better And if you don’t like the sensation of a new toy the very first time you use it, don’t give up on it just yet. “The first time we try anything, we’re doing what we call spectatoring, which is observing ourselves, how it’s going, what we thought, what our partner thought. We’re in our heads and not so much in the experience,” says Fleming. “So try, try again.”