There are two main ways to get to the openhearted state: first, by experiencing our emotions. ... The second way is by looking for your Cs and seeing if you can make a conscious shift into being them just by being aware and applying your emotional energy.

Try other activities that lower anxiety: Cook, play music, stretch or do yoga, make something artistic, read a good book, watch something funny or sad on TV, take a warm bath, make yourself tea, take a walk, masturbate, or meditate. Connect. Reach out to a friend. Tell him you are upset about something and want to talk about it, If you don't have a friend nearby, perhaps seek out a support group. Talking helps! This is a book worth re-reading every year! I loved this easy-to-understand explanation of the triangle of emotions and change. Ever since I started it, it's helped me process emotions, better understand how I feel, and see exactly where and how I can get to a calm, openhearted state. I'm writing some of my favorite parts here, but I'd still definitely re-read it to see the up close and personal applications of the triangle with different people. Thanks so much, Dr. Hendel! Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a psychotherapist in private practice in New York and a clinical supervisor with the AEDP Institute.Sara suffered a debilitating fear of asserting herself. Spencer experienced crippling social anxiety. Bonnie was shut down, disconnected from her feelings. These patients all came to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel seeking treatment for depression, but in fact none of them were chemically depressed. Rather, Jacobs Hendel found that they’d all experienced traumas in their youth that caused them to put up emotional defenses that masqueraded as symptoms of depression. Jacobs Hendel led these patients and others toward lives newly capable of joy and fulfillment through an empathic and effective therapeutic approach that draws on the latest science about the healing power of our emotions. To understand Brian’s type of shame, it helps to know that there are basically two categories of emotions. There are core emotions, like anger, joy and sadness, which when experienced viscerally lead to a sense Personality traits that include negativity, such as low self-esteem, being too dependent or self-critical, or always thinking the worst will happen.

Great book. Its Not Always Depression is based on Diana Fosha’s, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP). I was incredibly eyeopening into core emotions and the effect that childhood trauma causes on adult brains. Within the first few chapters of this book, I was already looking at my emotions differently and beginning to understand why the brain triggers specific emotions during certain situations.he knew what was happening and how to manage the experience. He learned to express his feelings and assert his needs and wants. He took risks, made more friends and engaged in meaningful work. There were no more Menopause is when your periods stop due to lower hormone levels. Sometimes menopause can trigger depression, particularly in the first few years. While I was about 40% into the book I started sending copies to other people so I would have folks to talk to about this type of therapy. It got me thinking that friends or partners could potentially work this system together and in fact Hilary suggests that herself in a few interviews I've seen with her.

This practical and clearly written self-help book written by a gifted therapist helps the reader learn the incredible importance of understanding and accepting your core emotions and the variety of ways we use defenses and other emotions (anxiety, guilt, and shame) to protect us (even though they cause us pain as well). Can I get curious in my reactions to the world and people around me? If I notice that either my partner or I am in a defensive mode, can I get curious about the emotions underneath? Am I curious to map myself, or my companion, on the Change Triangle to understand more about what is happening?

Complications

This way of writing gives us a window into how our minds work and how important it is to pay attention to our bodies and our emotions whenever interacting with others (and ourselves). If you remember one thing from this book, remember: emotions just are! Judging yourself is not useful. Believing you can stop emotions from happening is false. Instead, focus your mental energy on dealing constructively with them. Use the change triangle. Get to know what you are experiencing. Learn what your emotion is trying to tell you. You do n0t have to act on emotions, and in most cases, you probably won't, but the information these impulses give you is important. If nothing else, emotions make us feel alive.

Usually I get bogged down by nonfiction books but I honestly could not put this book down and found myself highlighting or bookmarking about 85% of it. I found the writing to flow naturally and easily and the book made for an easy read. Some reviewers have said they were confused by the layout but that was not the case for me. Name core emotions. Find all the core emotions that are evoking the anxiety. Ask yourself if you are feeling sad, fearful, angry, disgusted, joyful, excited, and/or sexually excited. Imagine them one at a time, with space between each. Validate them by saying them to yourself.People often talk about a "downward spiral" of events that leads to depression. For example, if your relationship with your partner breaks down, you're likely to feel low, you may stop seeing friends and family and you may start drinking more. All of this can make you feel worse and trigger depression. Using dietary supplements wisely. National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health. https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/using-dietary-supplements-wisely. Accessed May 14, 2022. Am I confident that I am basically safe right now? Am I confident in my abilities to find resources and get help when I need it? Am I confident that I can take care of myself?