You Will Find Your People: How to Finally Make the Friendships You Deserve

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You know the ones - the people who you can be your ultimate self with, who never judge you but who are also willing to hold you accountable for your shit. Those are your people and you likely leave interactions with them feeling good. It can’t always be all sunshine of course but your people are the ones who you know you can practice radical candour with and are safe to be vulnerable and open around. Those are the type of friendships that will bring you a wealth of good things, including a deeper sense of self-awareness and connection that is priceless. As a musician, Moore is the frontperson and songwriter in the band “It Was Romance,” which BUST Magazine named the Best Band of 2015, and Billboard named one of 16 Female-Fronted Bands You Should Know. How to Be Alone is the book I wish I had read in my early twenties. I truly believe it would have saved me a world of pain. The moment I met her I felt like I had known her my entire life. This book will make everyone smart enough to read it feel the same exact way.”— Laura Benanti, Tony Award-winning actress I’ve started a quest to read a bunch of books on friendship and this was the second one. I’m wanting to learn how to be a better friend and reading books on the subject seemed like a good way to do it. You Will Find Your People" is stronger as a memoir, Moore's journey through the world of friendship often engaging, occasionally irritating, and dysfunctional enough that you can't help but understand why the author has at least somewhat struggled in the area of friendship.

As someone who has struggled with developing and maintaining healthy relationships throughout my life, this book brought me immense joy in knowing I wasn’t alone. It rekindled my belief in the moments of genuine friendship that have brought me so much joy. It also validated the idea all friendships matter, whether they be decades long or a few hours in the making. The kind of yearning I had wasn’t just for Elyse specifically but rather a cute form of self-flagellation in which I would tell myself that she was my soul mate and I blew it. She became my source of comparison for every romantic relationship I had: “Elyse never would’ve treated me this way.” She also became my source of comparison for every platonic friendship I had: “Elyse never would’ve treated me this way.” I respect Jennie Allen, but this book bothered my conscience at times. There was a large amount of biblical truth in this book, and her practical tools were helpful, but at times I felt like Jennie Allen was out of touch with her audience and, to be frank, insensitive and prideful. I had a few big issues with this book: Part self help, part memoir, You Will Find Your People is an incredible read that made me laugh, cry, and think about my past relationships with people. Jennie combines academic research, personal experiences, and Scripture to build the case for why we need to fight for community, and then offers a number of practical tips and action steps at the end of each chapter so that we are not just left with these beautiful but abstract ideas. She both encourages and equips readers to pursue biblical community, challenging us to break the mold of independence that is so prevalent in our culture.No one’s going to put in a TV show or movie where everyone’s trying to schedule and no one can make it — that’s boring. But that’s such a huge part of my friendships: Telling somebody “I’ve been really overwhelmed, we’ll hang out in the next few months, I love you” and them being like, “Me too, see you soon.” I think when you’ve had a lot of struggles in your life, you think, “Maybe I’ve been through too much, and I’ll never be able to connect with people. Maybe I’m not lovable.” And hearing this outpouring of strangers and even acquaintances, saying, “Thank you for writing this, this helps so much, I feel so close to you, I feel like I know you,” was part of shoring up this worthiness. It also attracted new people into my life who already had a bit of CliffsNotes on where I was coming from as a person and as a friend, for better or worse. This was so cathartic to hear. That someone else thinks about life the same way I do and has gone through the grief of losing a best friend and has had the grief of thinking they might've been on the path to curating a best friendship, just to have it thrown in their face as 'oh, I thought we were work-friends only'. You write about friendship tropes in TV and film and comment on how wildly unrealistic they are. When did you first realize that the kind of physical proximity and emotional closeness you see on shows like “Friends,” “New Girl” and “Sex a nd t he City” is not ultimately true to life?

It can be easy to think your current friends aren’t good enough for you or not giving you the things you want in the relationship and you should find new people, and sometimes that’s true. But before you go off thinking it’s not you, it’s them (which it might be!), try reaching out, and communicating, and putting some more effort in and see if that helps things. As an introvert, there were a few key takeaways from the book about putting myself out there and making an effort to build my village, but there weren't enough takeaways for me to recommend this book to others unless they fall into that small group I think would benefit from this group.

You Will Find Your People: How To Make Meaningful Friendships As An Adult

Part memoir, part self-help, You Will Find Your People uncovers the complex, frightening, and often vulnerable process of building real, healthy friendships and finally creating your chosen family. Lane Moore takes readers on a journey that examines and challenges the ideas of friendship we’ve seen in pop culture, answers every question you’ve ever had about friend breakups, and teaches us how to fearlessly ask for what we want in friendships once and for all. In Find Your People, bestselling author Jennie Allen draws on fascinating insights from science and history, timeless biblical truth, and vulnerable stories from her own life to help you: Once you’ve met people that you feel you want to connect to, practice being brave enough to be open about that with them. The book has been praised by major entertainment names such as Judy Greer, Rachel Bloom and Abbi Jacobson. Have you been surprised to find out that high-profile figures — people most would assume must already have perfect friendship circles — connect so thoroughly with a book about making and nurturing adult friendships? But one day, after camping with this group and feeling, again, that sense of not-belonging, I decided that it was neither me nor them. We simply weren’t a good match.