You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult

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And, because I’m an old lady, I’ll end my rumination by quoting the queen, Joni Mitchell, from her song “Jericho”: Even if you don’t know Lane personally, she still feels like someone you’ve known for years. And that’s exactly what reading How to Be Alone feels like: having an honest conversation with an old friend.”— Hello Giggles I think when you’ve had a lot of struggles in your life, you think, “Maybe I’ve been through too much, and I’ll never be able to connect with people. Maybe I’m not lovable.” And hearing this outpouring of strangers and even acquaintances, saying, “Thank you for writing this, this helps so much, I feel so close to you, I feel like I know you,” was part of shoring up this worthiness. It also attracted new people into my life who already had a bit of CliffsNotes on where I was coming from as a person and as a friend, for better or worse.

It’s so refreshing to read something that you feel like the author peeked into your soul to write about. I’ve always thought I was missing something or making too big of a deal of the types of deep friendships I’ve been wanting. The most epic, incredible, soaring parts of your story, are the places where you’re tender, and funny, but also so harrowingly sad and devastated. Your commitment to survival is more than a notion; it’s a balm, an affirmation, an eternal love note, and a sacred love manifestation that starts as a whisper and rises into the atmosphere. How to be Alone gave me closure. What a gift it is to know that there’s another person in the world who’s so brave and true to her spirit that she survived the hardest parts of being alive. Instead of sinking into despair or madness; being waylaid by bitterness or tragedy; or turning the grueling and terrifying dark of isolation against yourself, you’ve transmuted it into a fire so bright that it blazes brilliantly, with a classic, universal humanity. James Baldwin said, “You think your heartbreak is unprecedented in the world, and then you read. How To Be Alone is like that.”— Bitch Media For probably over thirty years—since I was old enough to know I needed them—I’ve been looking for my people.I actually bookmarked my audiobook for one line: “Empathy is the currency of people who have been there and wish things had gone differently.” I have hermit tendencies that have been exacerbated by the difficulties of motherhood. I typically won’t be the first to reach out or to invite people over. I am awful at making plans. Seriously awful. Huge flaw. It’s not because i don’t care, I care more than you’ll ever know!! But, if someone else asks me to do something, I am there! If you need me to come help you organize your closet, I’ll be there in ten! Play date tomorrow? Absolutely! Instead, we're too often left with stories that are tinged with bitterness and unresolved emotions with self-help lessons, or at least assertions, that feel underdeveloped and applicable primarily to the narrow set of readers who will identify a similar to Moore. I respect Jennie Allen, but this book bothered my conscience at times. There was a large amount of biblical truth in this book, and her practical tools were helpful, but at times I felt like Jennie Allen was out of touch with her audience and, to be frank, insensitive and prideful. I had a few big issues with this book:

You Will Find Your People" is stronger as a memoir, Moore's journey through the world of friendship often engaging, occasionally irritating, and dysfunctional enough that you can't help but understand why the author has at least somewhat struggled in the area of friendship.Full of Moore’s hilarious personal anecdotes, advice on how to identify your attachment style, and real tools to create better communication and boundaries, this book is your personal guide on how to heal from your past friendships, improve your current ones, and finally have the friendships we know we deserve. Sure, I had friends and close family, and ended up successful in my career, but there was a kind of connection I was missing. Something where my particular gifts were treasured, and my particular sort of oddness was accepted and cherished; and where I felt safe enough to cherish and embrace the odd gifts of those around me. The key to being friends with your exes is, without a single doubt in my mind: very clear boundaries and communication on both sides. I listened to this book, which I definitely recommend because it is about 6 hours, and it’s read by the author. She’s a comic and writer so her timing and delivery are terrific. My earliest memories from childhood are watching, in awe, the depictions of tight-knit friend groups in TV and movies. I’d watch them excitedly on-screen, as though it was a fortune teller showing me a glimpse into my future great-friend-having life. I always assumed that even if I didn’t have the friendships that I saw on TV at that very moment, once I became an adult, they would surely materialize. And maybe you did too.