Limerence also gave me irrational feelings of guilt. (The delusional belief that LO is hypersensitive to my moods and feelings? The delusional belief we have a “mental connection” and should henceforth communicate telepathically?) I felt I was personally responsible for LO’s behaviour good and bad, including those times he was ignoring me – which were all-too-frequent for my tastes! 😛

Thinking is all the way through really helped me, and made me start taking steps to distance myself, which was very painful but necessary. It didn’t seem possible but it was, slowly but surely. I didn’t have a blowup with LO, didn’t tell my SO, I think no-one is the wiser, but today I can see LO occasionally (without me pushing the relationship between all of us, it has gotten more distant) without any really big impact on my emotional life. I still like her, but I’m not pining, and I see her as fully human, flawed, and actually a much less compatible partner for me than my SO. I’m sure you can. I do hear from people who become limerent for old friends (seemingly small reasons can shift their perception of them into LO territory), and another fairly common one is limerence coming on after LO discloses feelings for them. So, yes, there are all kinds of interesting mixes out there.I don’t remember flirting with either of them but the Fantasy Affair and Oversharing were definitely there. There was one time my coworker and I had an exchange that could have been taken as flirting but I know I didn’t intend it that way. (See “Flirting at work”) My “glimmers” are more like “baseball bat to the heart” moments. Two years ago at a gathering with some friends, I heard a voice behind me, and had the immediate thought, “This is who I was brought to [this city] to meet.” I hadn’t even met this person, hadn’t even seen his face!! I’d also just moved here with an SO who I was (and still am!) head over heels in love with (we *also* fell for each other within seconds, but that’s another story 🙂 ). And yet I fell for this other guy instantly. It only got worse as I actually got to know him and discovered we had a lot of shared values and pursuits that I was missing in my life. And of course he had to be drop dead gorgeous in the exact way that addles my little brain every time. Sigh. I’ve had numerous dreams about LO #4. None of them were sexual. You can read about most of them in the Limerence Dream blog. In most of them, LO #4 doesn’t even know me and in the others, she’s indifferent to me. When you have an encounter with your limerent object, it doesn’t function as a regular reward-based dopamine release. It’s an incredibly heightened experience that can oftentimes feel euphoric. It’s an intoxicating emotional experience, which is believed to be driven by firing of endorphins and endocannabinoids. It’s this neurological functioning, which, in part, mimics the feeling of love that makes the condition so hard confusing. and 20 I have always tried to maintain my routine and responsibilities even while my entire being is subsumed in a surreal limerent netherworld of cosmic significance. I think I would probably still get up and try go to work on the morning of an Extinction Level Event.

If you’re capable of responding to suitable candidates, what are you transferring? If you’re entering a potential relationship in good faith, it’s more like transcending the previous relationship. You still have baggage, but you try not to bring it with you.

Limerence vs. Love: What’s the Difference?

I’ve written before that – expanding on these sorts of principles – you need to pay close attention to your actionsas that is the way that your limerence impacts on other people. While the limerence is limited to thoughts in your own head, other people are not being directly harmed, and so (as a moral rule of thumb) any guilt and/or shame should be viewed as an early warning system that you are violating your own moral compass, rather than evidence that you are a bad person. In simpler terms: both good and bad people have bad thoughts, but bad people act on them.

Or the first moment of deceit level where the womans alarm finally goes off and she awakens to what a screwed up situation she has allowed and he wordsmiths like a psychologist that she wasn’t doing anything wrong in seeking comfort from the inattention and emotional abuse she endures at home. (He is of course spinning the husband as the devil as it suits his purpose) I have gone for years long stretches without a romantic interest, because ALL romantic interests have been LOs. Thanks for your reply, DrLimerence. Of course you are right that I should focus on my marriage and give my spouse the attention. Clearly there are some things going on that need to be sorted with my SO. Realising that being with your limerent objects isn’t going to solve all of your mental and emotional dysregulation. It may even make it worse as you continue to ignore the root causes of your infatuations, preventing you from looking at the real causes of your limerence. The idea that the person you’re seeking is unobtainable makes them immensely more attractive than all other people within your social circle. During this stage, you might exhibit a compulsive-addictive form of patterning, which causes you to think about your limerent object excessively all day. You may experience stress, heart palpitations, anxiety and other intrusive thoughts that distract from your daily tasks.

1. Be honest with yourself

That analytical ability went out like a light with the first drink. In fact, this is also what happens with triggers. The effect of triggers is to lower a person’s ability to be objective and so that devastating decision can be made to have a drink or use drugs again. There could be a natural harmony that forms where the glimmer from one limerent triggers limerence in the Sensor and leads to mutual limerence. Perhaps all limerents are also Sensors to the extent that they will inevitably get a massive euphoric hit from seeing their limerent object displaying the signs of mutual limerence. Like it… a great tool. I think I score about 17 on that so a good measure for me – you have really nailed it. Another scenario to consider is that limerents may be especially good Sensors themselves. After all, while romantic reciprocation is obviously the primary goal for limerents, the strongest craving is often to have their limerence “mirrored”, rather than simply securing physical consummation. You’ve talked about three stages of limerence. I experience shades of limerence.Once I cross certain lines, I enter a new depth of limerence.